Main Menu

Articles & Quotes

Think differently: why whole brain parenting is key to early development

Alarming divorce rates, increasing numbers of teen suicides, the spread of HIV/Aids, the explosive increase in poverty and unemployment worldwide – the education system carries a large part of the blame, but it’s time for parents to initiate an honest quest for a new, more efficient form of parenting. KOBUS NEETHLING, president of the SA Creativity Foundation and developer of Neethling Brain Instruments, advocates a move to whole brain parenting.

Our task as parents and mentors is to prepare children for life in a century that will be governed by dramatic acceleration in the pace of everything. Information is available more readily and in greater quantities than before; technology has drastically changed our environment; and the future no longer holds the same guarantees as before.
This is an era in which parents and children alike need to constantly be growing, evolving and developing. It is an age characterised by change, and so one of the most important traits for human beings to develop is inner stability. If the environment isn’t stable, we need stability within to help us manage ourselves in the environment, and to stop us, literally, from freaking out. Inner stability will be our compass, our due North, and parents must take responsibility for helping their children to develop this strength. It’s a process that starts when the child is still in the womb.Let’s begin with a few insights that all parents and mentors should bear in mind. These are the foundations of parenting:

·      Every child has the potential to be successful.
·      Most limitations experienced by a child are created by parents and teachers, to a significant extent by labelling.
·      The key to change and development lies not in changing behaviour, but in changing the child’s thinking.
·      There are several kinds of intelligence. Children must be guided towards discovering their own, unique intelligence.
·      Creativity belongs to everybody and can be developed.
·      Every child must have a vision; the future must be exciting.
·      Children must experience drastically changing environments as a challenge, not as something that is overwhelming.
·      Every child and every parent has unique brain preferences which determine behaviour, choices, and preferences for learning, tuition and emotional experience.

Even before birth, the child’s first environment is vital to their development. It’s been designed to include the basic element that all other development phases should have – safety. Yet even this environment is not a guarantee against dangers, change and even destruction.
After birth, the child finds itself in a completely different environment – the home. Here, the people around the child have the greatest influence on its development. For development to be normal, the child needs to feel safe, to develop a strong bond with its caregivers, and to have a solid support system in place.
In the first few years of a child’s life, that environment starts to broaden; the home remains the most influential place, but the boundaries expand as the child discovers new people, places, things, dangers, language and its own influence.
Many parents respond to this voyage of discovery by moving everything out of the child’s way, and enclosing the child in a walking ring or playpen. Yet it’s in these first few years that children are their “spontaneous selves”; they are investigative, energetic, passionate and ready to attempt the impossible. Rather than trying to control them, we should be encouraging them. To do that requires a whole brain approach to parenting.

Determining your parent brain profile
The left and right brain processes can be divided into two definitive categories, effectively separating the brain into four quadrants, two on the left (L1 and L2), and two on the right (R1 and R2). As a parent, your behaviour, decisions and choices where your children are concerned, will be determined by which brain quadrant is dominant.
An L1 parent is focused, meticulous and analytical; an L2 is organised, thorough and disciplined; the R1 parent is more vague and flexible, imaginative, and enquiring; the R2 is sensitive, supportive and approachable. By determining your parent brain profile, you will be doing your children – and yourself – a huge favour. Your brain preferences determine how you make decisions, how you solve problems, how you act towards your child in different circumstances, how you will educate your children and how you will discipline them. They therefore play an important role in forming the brain preferences of your children. That’s why it’s vital for parents to obtain insight into their own brain preferences and those of their children as this leads to better understanding of differences between people and greater tolerance and co-operation within the family.

The creative parent
Consider this: research has shown that 98% of children from the ages of three to five have a superior level of creative behaviour. At the age of 10, only 32% are still at that level; by the age of 15, this figure drops to 10%. Of the adults above the age of 25 who were tested, only 2% were still superior in the creative behaviour. That is alarming.
Parents of the 21^st century will have to acquire creative skills to be able to teach them to their children; this is vital if you want to offer them a chance of success in the fast-moving times we live in.
The “because I say so” approach to parenting dictates to children how, when and where. It systematically leads them to accept that their opinions and ideas have no value.
Instead, we should be encouraging our children from the start to be fluent in their thinking, to search for alternatives, to approach problems in innovative ways, and to delve deeper. But by our own inability to move out of our rut, we stifle the opinions and often better ideas that our children have.

The creative parent realises several truths:

·      The more ideas the better.
·      The more the range of solutions, the greater the probability of success.
·      Because we have always done it this way does not mean it’s the best way.
·      Children also have valuable ideas.
·      To listen to my child’s opinion creates a win-win situation for everyone.

Allow your young child to make suggestions, to ask questions, and to come to you with new ideas. By doing so from the very earliest stages of your child’s development, you will move away from the fault-finding culture that is created at home and later at school.

You will be able to stop correcting problems and start encouraging; you will concentrate more on what is right and less on what is wrong; and you will see mistakes as opportunities for gaining experience and not as failures. Best of all, your child will grow up seeing things that way too.

NEETHLING’S TEN TRAITS OF A CREATIVE ENVIRONMENT

Sustained growth in the future can only be achieved by the continuous generation of new, creative ideas and strategies. This is primarily achieved through individuals at all levels of an organisation.

Creativity will be the strategic issue for the 21^st Century.

The major shortcoming of fostering creativity in the past was the lack of successful measuring and identifying the levels of the creative environment in a company. This led to the failure of a lot of creative initiatives and strategies.

The Creative Environment Instrument measures above or below the line thinking in your organisation. The critical factors that will be assessed to ensure that the company creates an optimal environment are :

Trust

·         Employees can be open about what they think and feel.
·         There is no fear of consequences when differing from others.
·         Genuine support is experienced.
·         The company’s sincerity is not questioned.

Learning

·         Employees experience on-going personal growth and empowerment.
·         Employees feel they can initiate their own training.
·         The differences in the learning styles of various individuals are respected.

Fun

·         The place of work is a fun place.
·         The employees are relaxed.
·         Humour is an integral part of the culture.

Language

·           Positive language is the norm.
·           The language is that of encouragement and support.
·           Negative language is emphatically discouraged.

Ownership

·            Every employee feels it is his/her company (not theirs and ours).
·            Employees form an integral part of the goal and strategy.
·            Each employee assumes responsibility for his/her own job performance.

Energy

·             The atmosphere is dynamic and energetic.
·             Employees are passionate about their work.
·             Employees are lively.
·             Employees are essentially motivated to work and to produce.

Change

·             Change is seen as an opportunity and not a threat.
·             Change and challenges are not viewed with suspicion but are seen as the norm for sustained   progress.
·             Employees are prepared to adapt their thinking and actions in order to accommodate new ideas or methods.

Interaction

·              Employees show genuine interest in one another.
·              Ideas and initiatives are supported and encouraged.
·              Employees do not fear one another or management and show a willingness to support or to differ from one another, as the situation dictates.

Creativity and Innovation

·               Challenging old-fashioned rules and regulations is encouraged.
·               To ask, to investigate and to enquire, are integral components of the company culture.
·               There is a receptiveness to new ideas and to discovering new ways of doing things.

Communication

·               Communication amongst employees is open and stimulating.
·               There are no obstacles to vertical and horizontal communication.
·              Employees listen to one another and are sensitive to one another’s situations.

Kobus Neethling Group: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Solutions Finding: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it